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I have no will but that of GOD, which I endeavor to
accomplish in all things, and to which I am so resigned
that I would not take up a straw from the ground against
His order, or from any other motive than purely that
of love to Him.
I have quitted all forms of devotion and set prayers
but those to which my state obliges me. And I make
it my business only to persevere in His holy presence,
wherein I keep myself by a simple attention, and a
general fond regard to GOD, which I may call an actual
presence of GOD; or, to speak better, an habitual, silent,
and secret conversation of the soul with GOD, which
often causes me joys and raptures inwardly, and sometimes also outwardly, so great that I am forced to use
means to moderate them and prevent their appearance
to others.
In short, I am assured beyond all doubt that my soul
has been with GOD above these thirty years. I pass over
many things that I may not be tedious to you, yet I
think it proper to inform you after what manner I consider myself before GOD, whom I behold as my King.
I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full
of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts
of crimes against his King. Touched with a sensible regret, I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask His forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands that He may
do what He pleases with me. The King, full of mercy
and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me
with love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with
His own hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He
converses and delights Himself with me incessantly, in
a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all
